Woman Deploys ‘Hey Friend’ Text to Diffuse Romantic Confusion

Confused by what may or may not have been a date, queer woman, Michelle Smith, 34, texted “Hey friend,” after a getting home from having drinks the other night. “I don’t like being harsh and friend feels like a gentle nudge away from romance,” said Smith.

In the past, Smith has tried: “Hey acquaintance” and “Hey pal.” She found that “friend” is clear enough to signal disinterest, but soft enough to dodge confrontation. “It’s emotionally diplomatic,” she said.

While “Hey friend” has become her trusted method for dodging same-sex romantic tension, it’s left her entangled with platonic follow-ups. “People want to be my friend now. And I don’t want to be their friend either,” said Smith, who admits she’s yet to invent a phrase that softly but firmly ends a friendship attempt.

At press time, Smith decided to change her number entirely. We could not reach her for any updates.